Venn diagrams
Jul. 1st, 2019 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseHow I found the queer Christian experience in Good Omens
Aziraphale’s position looks very familiar to those of us clinging to non-affirming churches. He represses and is reluctant to act upon desires that he believes to be inconsistent with his identity as one of the ‘good ones’ {...} But he wants to think the best of a heaven that doesn’t really understand or accept him, because surely, by definition, they are in the right? He wants to keep his hands clean and fit in, he can’t allow himself to whole-heartedly pursue a relationship he feels is forbidden to him {...} Crowley’s story, on the other hand, speaks to those of us who fall away from the church entirely — he falls not so much out of wanting to, but because it was the only way to be honestly himself. Forced out of a heaven that didn’t like him questioning things, he ends up hanging out with the crowd hostile towards it simply by default, and is expected to agree that nothing he left behind was worth keeping. {...} And yet he still feels a profound connection to his pre-Fall past...
It’s been a long time since I identified as Christian, but this speaks strongly to my experience in large groups/organizations. I tend to carefully think through assumptions and rules and ethics, which makes me a bad candidate to join any group, because I’m unlikely to just sit and accept whatever tenets create the group identity (whether explicit or implicit)—I’m the one who always pokes at things and asks uncomfortable questions.
It's a useful skill, but it makes me feel more than a little guilty sometimes, because people tend to be quite welcoming in these groups, and I always feel like I’m accepting their hospitality under false pretenses—like, hi, my name is Ambrosia and I’m almost certainly going to openly disagree with you at some point, I hope it doesn’t end up being over something that means we can’t be friends anymore?
And when I do leave a group, especially one that’s been a big part of my life, I still carry a huge chunk of their values with me. Often, I miss the sense of clarity and purpose that membership in that group brings.
I wonder if this is something everyone goes through.
Aziraphale’s position looks very familiar to those of us clinging to non-affirming churches. He represses and is reluctant to act upon desires that he believes to be inconsistent with his identity as one of the ‘good ones’ {...} But he wants to think the best of a heaven that doesn’t really understand or accept him, because surely, by definition, they are in the right? He wants to keep his hands clean and fit in, he can’t allow himself to whole-heartedly pursue a relationship he feels is forbidden to him {...} Crowley’s story, on the other hand, speaks to those of us who fall away from the church entirely — he falls not so much out of wanting to, but because it was the only way to be honestly himself. Forced out of a heaven that didn’t like him questioning things, he ends up hanging out with the crowd hostile towards it simply by default, and is expected to agree that nothing he left behind was worth keeping. {...} And yet he still feels a profound connection to his pre-Fall past...
It’s been a long time since I identified as Christian, but this speaks strongly to my experience in large groups/organizations. I tend to carefully think through assumptions and rules and ethics, which makes me a bad candidate to join any group, because I’m unlikely to just sit and accept whatever tenets create the group identity (whether explicit or implicit)—I’m the one who always pokes at things and asks uncomfortable questions.
It's a useful skill, but it makes me feel more than a little guilty sometimes, because people tend to be quite welcoming in these groups, and I always feel like I’m accepting their hospitality under false pretenses—like, hi, my name is Ambrosia and I’m almost certainly going to openly disagree with you at some point, I hope it doesn’t end up being over something that means we can’t be friends anymore?
And when I do leave a group, especially one that’s been a big part of my life, I still carry a huge chunk of their values with me. Often, I miss the sense of clarity and purpose that membership in that group brings.
I wonder if this is something everyone goes through.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-03 02:54 am (UTC)