Journaling about journaling
Nov. 7th, 2016 10:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseI haven't been writing a lot here lately, and not even for the usual "I've been too busy" reason (although I have been fairly swamped). For once, I'm actually writing more elsewhere; specifically, part of yoga teacher training is a requirement that you keep a journal of the classes you attend (both yoga classes and training classes) and your thoughts/experiences along the way. It's been a little bit of a pain to find the time, but at the same time I've had a couple of experiences that have illustrated pretty plainly the advantages of having such a record; when you're prone to moodiness and withdrawal, it's helpful to be able to trace the pattern of your swings and see what's been going on in your life at the time. (You'd think it wouldn't be that hard to think back a week or so and figure out what might have triggered things, but brains are notoriously fickle about rationalizing away uncomfortable connections; this is why a common strategy for dealing with addiction is to write down the reason why you're staying clean and keep it in your wallet.)
Given the pretty significant changes that've been going on in my life, then, I feel like I should invest the time in keeping a more consistent record. But...I'm still hesitant to commit, and I can't quite sort out why. It's not like I don't have the time; even with teacher training going on, I can almost certainly stand to use some time I normally spend on Facebook over here on LJ/Dreamwidth instead. Certainly there's some vulnerability involved, especially with blogging on a public platform; but there are privacy settings to deal with that.
I wonder if it's connected to my tendency to avoid writing about unresolved situations/emotions. As I think I've observed before, it's much easier for me to write about something when it's over, or at least when I've made a decision about it; by definition, however, keeping a regular journal is going to mean admitting that there are times when I don't know what to do. Even though I can usually figure it out eventually, that's...difficult. It's important to me to be the person with the answers, who people can come to with their problems; admitting that I don't always have my own life in order, even to myself, is kind of terrifying. Even though (in the way of these things) it's more likely to foster connection with the people who care about me, and thus help make frustrating and unresolved situations more manageable.
In any case, this is some of what I've been ruminating on lately. I don't have an answer yet. But maybe I can use the practice in leaving things unresolved. And unedited. :p
Given the pretty significant changes that've been going on in my life, then, I feel like I should invest the time in keeping a more consistent record. But...I'm still hesitant to commit, and I can't quite sort out why. It's not like I don't have the time; even with teacher training going on, I can almost certainly stand to use some time I normally spend on Facebook over here on LJ/Dreamwidth instead. Certainly there's some vulnerability involved, especially with blogging on a public platform; but there are privacy settings to deal with that.
I wonder if it's connected to my tendency to avoid writing about unresolved situations/emotions. As I think I've observed before, it's much easier for me to write about something when it's over, or at least when I've made a decision about it; by definition, however, keeping a regular journal is going to mean admitting that there are times when I don't know what to do. Even though I can usually figure it out eventually, that's...difficult. It's important to me to be the person with the answers, who people can come to with their problems; admitting that I don't always have my own life in order, even to myself, is kind of terrifying. Even though (in the way of these things) it's more likely to foster connection with the people who care about me, and thus help make frustrating and unresolved situations more manageable.
In any case, this is some of what I've been ruminating on lately. I don't have an answer yet. But maybe I can use the practice in leaving things unresolved. And unedited. :p
